I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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