did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
