Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It's Friday. Sex?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
