Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
