Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm sobbing to NWA
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize