we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
