You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
