You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
