Banned from zoo.
Again?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
