Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
