so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
