She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
