so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
