and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
