also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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