So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
