I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize