yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
