Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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