is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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