what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
