I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
