the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
