You work out of a Hotel?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
