the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
