whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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