i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
