Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
