So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
