We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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