Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
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You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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