Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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