This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
why do cheetos always look like penises
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
