Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
