i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
false alarm. still invincible.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You left your phone here
Wait...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
