i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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