ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
