Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
