One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
