Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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