Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
