when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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