My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
