You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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