no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
