Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
