can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
