i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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