Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
