my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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