I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
