I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
