Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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