This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
