I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
