weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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