I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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