You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm like, not good at living.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
