y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
