Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
