hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize