he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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