So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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