He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
