i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
