I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
