dude i'm inner monologue high
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
