"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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