Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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