I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Randomize
