So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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