Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
