she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
