Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
