and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
