My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
