I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
